I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
