Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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