South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
