I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
