right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
this will be a night to untag.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
