I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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