Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You need a sexual gate keeper
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
