i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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