Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize