now i know why i became what i already was.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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