i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
