Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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