she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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