Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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