I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize