Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
