that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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