just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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