i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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