you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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