I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
