peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
there is glitter all over my balls
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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