What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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