If that was your dad, he is hot
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
