i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
How naked do you want me to be?
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