Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
