You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
