garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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