Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
