another moral hangover. fuck.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
