Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
