So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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