they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
