I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
