So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
