Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
