Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
