i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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