I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
