yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
