I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
