My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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