Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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