yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
