If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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