If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
