I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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