Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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