i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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