Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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