Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize