Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize