Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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