Banned from zoo.
Again?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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