when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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