i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
